


Only know you love him when you let him go

by Azura_lights_18



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, Dean Deserves to be Happy, Hurt/Comfort, Just want to iron out the show's ending, M/M, Post-Episode S15e18 Despair, The writers can't kill Cas I won't let them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:15:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27417130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azura_lights_18/pseuds/Azura_lights_18
Summary: Destiel is finally canon... for ten seconds.My hopes for the upcoming episodes (just let Destiel live, please.)major spoilers for 15x18.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 16
Kudos: 383





	Only know you love him when you let him go

**Author's Note:**

> When I heard Destiel was trending on twitter, I screamed.  
> When I watched the episode, I cried.  
> When I finished writing this, I smiled.  
> I hope this work helps other Destiel shippers like me.

“Goodbye Dean.”

Those two words were echoing in his head. From the moment Cas had dragged him into the dungeon, Dean had known there was no hope. He had been ready to die. He had hoped that Billie might have killed him first. That would have been easier.

He had silently said his goodbyes to Sam and Jack. There was no room for tears when Death was literally knocking on his door.

When Cas started talking about another way, Dean couldn’t help himself. He allowed himself to have a small amount of hope. That tiny bud of hope, the only thing he has had when the impossible was facing him.

If he had known what Cas was talking about, he would have crushed it before it bloomed.

Now he was alone. Billie was gone. Cas was…

“I love you.”

He had always hoped to hear those words, Dean knew that now. Slumped against the cold concrete, he knew that he had been holding his breath subconsciously all these years. He had been waiting, too afraid to admit it first. He just never expected to hear them.

“I love you.”

Three words he struggled to say, even to his little brother.

“I love you.”

Three words seared into his mind, into his heart, into his shoulder.

“I love you.”

Three words he has stopped himself from saying again and again because the pain would be too much to bear.

“Dean? Are you okay? Where’s Billie? Where’s Cas?”

Dean let himself break. The lump in his throat burned and choked him. Sobs wracked his cold body.

“Cas. Cas is gone.”

==

It’s been five days since they saved the world. A week since they lost everyone. Dean didn’t expect to survive, he knew it was a suicide mission.

“At least the world isn’t on fire”, Sam said every day. 

“At least nobody else died”, Jack responded in kind.

Dean had nothing to say. There was a hole, a void, a vacuum, in the bunker. There was a cold emptiness seeping in.

Sam was obviously concerned; he knew Dean well. He knew that Dean was ready to die for everyone, everything. His self-destructive nature was spiralling unpredictably.

Dean hadn’t eaten much since they won. He didn’t feel the need. Dean didn’t sleep. His dreams were all nightmares. Dean just drank and numbed the pain.

==

“How’s he doing?” Sam asked as Jack came back with a full plate. Jack shook his head and put the plate down heavily.

“It’s been hard for all of us, but I think Dean’s taking it the worst.”

“Has he told you what happened yet? How did he take down Billie? Did Cas do something to help maybe?”

Sam’s voice was thick with concern and worry for his brother. He had never seen him this bad, not even when they lost their mother for the second time. At least then he had lashed out and yelled and broke things. Now he had locked himself in the dungeon and had been quiet for days.

“Dean didn’t do anything. Well, he delivered a killing blow to Billie, but that was before.”

A new voice called from the kitchen door. Sam’s hackles raised and he grabbed his gun. He looked at the new figure standing in front of them.

“I’m guessing you’re the new death then?” Sam lowered his gun as he took in the familiar scythe and dark clothing.

The new death nodded. “I don’t plan on getting involved in your lives. I know how messy that can get. There is one thing I do have to say though.”

Jack gestured for her to continue.

“When Dean first struck Billie with the scythe, it was fatal. Any wound by the scythe is fatal, no matter how big or small.”

“So, if she died, then what happened to Cas?” Sam was confused. How had Cas died if Dean had killed Billie.

“Well, if they had just left her to die, nothing would have happened. But, when Billie got her scythe back, she went after them. She wanted to kill Dean. So, Cas summoned the empty.”

Jack inhaled in surprise. “He summoned the empty? How?”

The new death smiled. “Apparently, when he got you out, he exchanged his life. The empty made a deal with him. ‘I will take you in your happiest moment’, or something like that. Not sure what happened to make him happy, but Cas summoned the empty and the empty took both of them.”

Sam shook his head. “Okay. So, the empty has Cas. Can we get him back? Is that why you’re here?”

The new death shrugged. “Possibly. It all depends on what you do now. You see, there’s a God sized hole in the universe and there’s only one person who can fill it.”

Sam looked at Jack. Jack’s eyes widened and he involuntarily took a step back.

“There must be a mistake. There’s no way I can fill in for God. How can I. I’m not even a full angel.”

The new death laughed. “Jack, didn’t you notice something different about yourself when you came back from the empty?”

“I have felt strange. But I thought it’s because I didn’t explode.”

“Didn’t you find it strange that you could defeat God? How were you able to this time, when until now you were still following whatever he wrote?” the new death added.

Sam had also found it strange, but he hadn’t looked into it. He was worried that maybe they hadn’t fully done it after all.

“What are you saying?” Jack asked.

The new death sighed and rested their scythe against the wall.

“When you exploded in the empty, you didn’t die because the empty wasn’t as powerful as God. You did, however, absorb some of it. Now the empty is much older than God, almost as old as death. So, it sort of boosted your power. Made you an ancient being. Your split heritage made you more powerful than God. Part human, part archangel, part God destroyer and part empty. And that is why you are more than enough to fill God’s role.”

Jack just stood stunned. “I’m part empty?”

The new death nodded solemnly. “Ever since you exploded, the empty has been more awake than ever. It’s pissed. I haven’t been able to calm it down yet. I was hoping you could.”

Jack nodded. “I will. But there’s one thing I have to do first.”

==

Dean stood slowly. Everything in his body was drained and heavy. He had no motivation to move. No motive to talk. But Sam was calling him. It sounded urgent.

His movements were sluggish. As if he was moving through treacle. Step after step until he reached the door. It creaked open and Dean’s knees buckled.

Maybe after several nights of no sleep and several days of no food, he was seeing things.

Standing behind the door, in his familiar beige trench coat, in his navy suit and crooked tie. Standing behind the door was his Cas.

Dean gripped the frame tightly. He couldn’t believe it. He had to be hallucinating. Cas was gone. There was no way he was standing in front of him right no-

“Hello Dean.” Cas rasped. Tears were falling out of his perfect blue eyes.

Dean lunged forward and grabbed fistfuls of the familiar material. He buried his head into Cas’ shoulder.

“You’re really here. How are you here?” Dean whispered hoarsely. He could feel tears forming again. He wrapped his arms around Cas tightly and breathed deep. He felt Cas’ arms wind around him slowly.

“Jack convinced the empty to let me go.” Cas whispered back, a hint of a smile in his voice.

Dean jerked back far enough to look into his eyes. “Just like that?”

Cas nodded. “Just like that.”

“No string attached?” Dean needed to be certain.

Cas smiled. “No strings. I’m here to stay.”

Dean’s heart soared and he pulled Cas in for a kiss. His lips were chapped and salty from the tears, but it was perfect anyways.

“I love you too, Cas. I’m sorry I didn’t say it before. But I do.” Dean whispered, foreheads pressed together.

Cas’ smile widened. “I know. I’ve always known.”


End file.
